


lost are the words (I still love you)

by Katbelle



Series: love, divided [2]
Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Dreams, M/M, Mpreg, Possible Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-24
Updated: 2012-02-24
Packaged: 2017-10-31 16:55:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/346357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katbelle/pseuds/Katbelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik, sometimes, has troubles staying awake. Being a headmaster of a mutant school is exhausting enough, but add to that balancing the delicate human-mutant peace, being part of Team Badass (current headcount: three members) that makes sure said peace is not threatened, cheesecake-induced indisgestion and - most importantly - being a father to an overly active ten-year-old, and no one should be surprised by that.</p><p>So. Sometimes, Erik has troubles staying awake. Sometimes, though, he wishes he had troubles sleeping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lost are the words (I still love you)

**lost are the words (I still love you)**

The grandfather clock standing on the other side of the room is ticking, marking each passing minute. Erik lies in the middle of the king sized bed in the master bedroom and stares at the ceiling. There is a pink stain there that he doesn't like - he'll have to talk with the children, find out who is responsible for this. Maybe he'll repaint.

Breathe in.

He thinks about his day. Josephine is in her bed, sleeping, safe. The students are tired and moaning, worn out after the session with Alex. Raven suggest they should invest in a swimming pool, the muddy water of the lake is not good for the kids. Hank has problems in his lab, but that's nothing new. What was it now...? Ah, yes. A sentient coffee machine. He has to work out the school's taxes tomorrow. Meet Emma. Schedule a meeting with Moira.

Breathe out.

Erik sleeps. 

***

"Daddy!"

Erik cracks one eye open. The moon is still high and illuminates the whole bedroom. Josephine's eyes look silver because of that.

"Daddy!" she repeats and shakes Erik's arm. She's fully clothed, in an atrocious blue sweater that Raven gave her and her favourite baggy jeans. "Daddy!"

Erik groans. He hoped that she forgot; after all, he did promise this over three weeks ago.

"Daddy, you _promised_."

"I'm up," he says and stretches. Josie grins widely and claps her hands, spins around and runs to the chair where Erik's folded turtleneck lies.

"Uncle Hank said that it's a perfect night tonight," she blabs fast as she watches Erik dress up. He puts the turtleneck on, but doesn't bother changing from pajama bottoms. It's the middle of summer, the night is warm enough. "He even told me I can borrow his telescope!"

"We won't be needing that today, Jo." Her smile falls, so Erik is quick to assure: "I'll show you how to look at the stars. How to search for the important ones, I'll tell you how to use them to never get lost."

Josie smiles happily and puts her small hand into his. Erik squeezes.

"And tomorrow we'll use Uncle Hank's telescope?"

Erik wants to groan or possibly roll his eyes. He does neither.

"Of course, liebling."

***

"Someone didn't get much sleep last night."

Raven grins like a loon when Erik finally lifts his head from some accountings statement he doesn't get _at all_. He waves his hand and the metal dolphin-shaped paper holder shoots towards her. Unfortunately, Raven is right, and due to that fact Erik's concentration is pitiful at best; the dolphin falls onto the carpet halfway down to Raven's head. 

"Josie and I were looking at the stars."

"Of course," she says and makes it sound like she doesn't believe him. "She kept you all night, didn't she?" Erik nods and Raven shakes her head. "She's so much like Charles."

 _No, she's not_ , Erik wants to say. Josephine is impatient and short-tempered, like Erik. She has Erik's eyes - Erik's _father's_ eyes, the curious mixture of green-blue-gray - she's skinny and blond, and altogether looks too much like Sharon Marko, a woman who shared no common traits with her son. Maybe - if he were pressed - maybe Erik could say that Josie's nose bears some resemblance to the Xavier side of her family. But she's still young, she may very well grow out of that as well (just like her hair didn't go dark and her eye colour didn't stay blue).

Josephine looks and acts nothing like Charles.

"Yeah," Erik murmurs when Raven drops the annual reports on his desk, "yeah, she is."

***

"How's everyone?"

Emma accepts the glass of wine that Erik hands her and traces the rim with a manicured finger.

"Janos finally found a tenth student to drag into his Bible studies group, so I can't deny him permission anymore." Emma takes a sip and puts the glass onto the metal coffee table that conveniently moves towards her. "Angel wanted me to yell at you on her behalf."

"Why?" Erik asks, surprised. In his mind, he tracks down the conversations he'd had with Angel as of late. He doesn't remember offending her on purpose, but maybe he did so unknowingly? The subject of her alliance with Emma was still touchy, and she didn't want to talk about Alex. Erik thought that the love/hate relationship those two had was sort of _cute_.

"Apparently, you promised her some photos." Emma shrugs. "And you didn't deliver."

Ah. The photos Sean had taken during Josie's birthday party. He did promise to give them to Angel. She'd baked Jo's cake, after all.

"I'll get them for you," Erik proposes, but Emma interrupts him:

"No need, she's already got them from Alex."

Now, that's interesting. Thing to ponder some other time.

"Have you heard from Azazel?" he asks instead. Emma shakes her head. "Then why are you here, Emma? Not that I don't like your company..."

"Janos and I have been thinking," Emma leans forward, closer to Erik, "that we should merge our schools." Erik raises his brows, opens his mouth to say something and Emma huffs impatiently. "No, hear me out. My school is more sophisticated than yours. We only accept older students, teenagers. We're more of a school and less of a mutant sanctuary. Your institution, on the other hand-- You accept young children, teach them how to control their powers. Give them a place to live."

"Your point?"

"If we merged our schools we could create a two-level body. You'd keep helping the little ones while all your older students would come to us. You'd teach them how to live with themselves, we'd teach them how to live amongst humans. Proper education, Erik. Your primary school, my high school and then they'd be able to go to university. Not to mention," Emma smirks, "that we have a lot of space and you're slowly running out of it."

She was right, of course. Damn Emma Frost for always being so painfully practical. But it was not a decision Erik could make alone, and definitely not a decision he could make off-hand.

"I'll have to think about it."

"I'm counting on it."

***

The letter is addressed to J. R. Lehnsherr and signed _with all the love, Uncle Arnold_. Underneath, as a post scriptum, a date, time and set of coordinates is written. Erik stares at the letter for ten long minutes before crunching the paper into a ball and tossing it into a bin.

"Shaw?" Sean asks.

"How do you think?" Erik replies.

***

"I've got a letter from Shaw," Erik tells Moira over the phone. He hears the agent's sharp intake of breath.

" _What did he write?_ " she asks and the rustling of paper on the other side indicates that she's prepared to note every word.

"I think he wants to meet. It's a--" Erik looks at a map Hank got for him. "It's a restaurant in Boston."

" _He's sent you an_ invitation _?_ "

"The letter was addressed to Josie," Erik explains, "but by now he's gotta know that anything he sends never goes past me, and if it does, it lands on your desk."

" _I think you should go_."

"Have you lost your mind, Moira? Or did Emma's _charm_ manage to freeze your capacity to reason?"

" _Shaw hasn't been in the States for almost seven years, Erik,_ " Moira reminds him, as if he wasn't fully aware of that little fact. " _And now he wants to see you?_ You _? I'd say it's suspicious_."

"Fine."

" _Do you want me to--_ "

"Absolutely not."

***

"I've heard that Josephine has taken to playing violin. I hear she's doing extremely well."

Erik grits his teeth and concentrates on stabbing the Vienna cheesecake Shaw had ordered upon his arrival at the restaurant.

"She is," he forces out. Oh, how he wishes for Moira's company now. Why on Earth had he refused to take her with him?

"Exceptional young lady," Shaw muses and stirs his tea. Chamomile, Erik can smell it from the other side of the table. Disgusting. "At least in some ways."

Here they go again. Erik's eyes narrow and he bares his teeth, just a tad. Shaw isn't impressed.

"How does it feel," Shaw asks as he leans forward towards Erik, his voice dropping to a whisper, "to have a perfectly _human_ daughter?"

"She's _perfect_ ," Erik all but barks at him. Shaw laughs as if Erik told him a joke and goes back to lean against the back of his chair. Erik clenches his fists. He wants to wrap the metal of Shaw's chair around his chest and squeeze the life out of him. Shaw can say whatever he wants about Erik, about Moira and Emma, about Erik's school. But Erik will not tolerate a single bad word about Josie. "And how does it feel to still be surrounded by humans, after all these years?"

"Oh, you know me, my boy." Shaw waves at the waiter. "I'm such an opportunist. I've been successfully convinced that keeping the humans around might be beneficial. As you well know, Erik. This restaurant wouldn't be standing here if I weren't."

A small part of Erik - namely the one that's friends with Moira and Emma - wants to know what Shaw is doing back in England, what he's planning. But mostly Erik is just concerned about keeping Shaw away from the school and as far as possible from Jo. Not that Shaw would ever actively try to hurt Jo; no, he wouldn't, if the presents he sent her every birthday and Christmas - the presents that Erik (or Sean or Alex) would then promptly dispose of - were any indication. Shaw had a soft spot for Josephine. Erik knew fully well what Shaw's 'soft spots' tended to include and was accordingly terrified.

"Right now I'm not concerned with them," Shaw continues. "I'm trying to revive some old experiments. I don't suppose you've kept those old journals at the mansion, have you...?"

" _No_."

Shaw chuckles.

"Pity."

Sick bastard. Sick, sadistic bastard. Any moment that he appeared genuinely _concerned_ about someone - Erik still can't believe that he actually _witnessed that_ \- was an anomaly, an exception that only confirmed the rule. Shaw was a sick, twisted, sadistic bastard.

"I could kill you right now," Erik hisses. Shaw raises an eyebrow. Elegantly. Smooth sick bastard.

"You could," he confirms, " but you won't. You're indebted with me, Erik, don't ever forget that. You owe me your daughter's life. You wouldn't want to find out how fast I can take that away from you."

He wouldn't. Jo was Erik's as much as she was Charles', surely Shaw wouldn't-- Erik swallows. Who the fuck he was kidding, of course Shaw would. There were many things Erik could call Shaw - many, many things he _wanted_ to call Shaw - but, unfortunately, 'liar' wasn't one of them.

"Enjoying your cheesecake?"

"It's lovely," Erik manages, then stuffs his mouth full of said cheesecake.

***

"I will kill the bastard," Erik breathes into the phone later that evening. "I don't give a damn about your Interpol investigation or about not scaring the general population with our powers. I will kill him."

" _What did he say?_ "

"He _politely_ reminded me of his role in Josie's birth and implied that he has all the resources needed to _kill my daughter_."

Moira is silent on the other side for so long that Erik thinks she'd hung up on him.

" _Not if I get to him first_ ," Moira finally says with so much venom that it startles Erik. " _I swear to God, Erik, we'll get Shaw's head on a stick_."

Once - not that long ago, to be honest - Moira was all about doing everything by the rules. It's good to know that Erik's attitude is rubbing off on her. Or that threatening Jo works on her as well as it works on Erik.

***

 _The grandfather clock standing on the other side of the room is ticking, marking each passing minute. Erik lies in the middle of the king sized bed in the master bedroom and stares at the ceiling._ Maybe blue, _he thinks. Sky blue, like Charles' eyes. Jo would like it if he had the ceiling painted sky blue._

_Breathe in._

_"And how was your day, love?" Charles asks with a soft smile on his lips._

_"Long," Erik replies. "Tiring. Mostly boring."_

_"Now, I don't believe that for a second."_

_He turns his head to the side and looks into Charles' sky blue eyes._

_He thinks about his day. Josephine is in her bed, sleeping, safe. Alex promised to organise a football match between their school and Emma's school. Raven finally gave up on him and checked the accounting stats or whatever it was. Hank got the coffee machine under control and is teaching it Mandarin. Moira promised to pop in during the weekend._

_Breathe out._

_"I missed you."_

_"I know." Charles leans in and whispers into his ear. "Wake up, Erik."_

***

Erik does.

**Author's Note:**

> YOU'VE BEEN INCEPTION-ED!
> 
> Sorry, I've always wanted to say that. Anyway, thank you for reading another installment in "love, divided" series. (Personally, I call it the Paul-Anka-series as Mr. Anka somehow became the godfather of this verse. I'm sure he'd be proud of that). For obvious reasons - ekhm, ekhm - this one is from Erik's POV.
> 
> Title taken from Paul Anka song "Hold Me Till the Morning Comes"


End file.
